Southern Hospitality: A 101 Guide to Being the Host with the Most

So You Want to Up Your Hosting Game…

Welcome to the party!

While there are folks around who live for the potlucks, jam-packed social calendars, and holiday parties every weekend, some of us live for the hosting.  We thrive off of the planning, the decorating, and scrutinizing every little detail that goes into planning the gathering of the year that colored even your discerning mother-in-law impressed.  It’s an intricate dance that, when balanced with the right amount of support, cheer and preparation, should never be a headache.  

Hosting, after all, is a fine art.

Whether you’re a seasoned holiday party pro or taking on your first Friends-Giving, this is your 101 Guide to Southern Hospitality – with a classy touch that’ll leave your guests awestruck.

It starts with the basics: Planning to Succeed.

The hosts you envy are great hosts because they took the time to plan.  Truly, they thought of everything, but they didn’t do it on the fly.  While the night of your event will require a little bit of improvisation, we first plan to succeed. 

Whatever you’re planning (a meal, a party, etc.), there will be lots of moving parts.  Grab your favorite notebook, a good pen, and a warm mug of your favorite something to sip.  We’re curling up on the couch and getting our heads in order first. 

Get Clear on Your Vision

Once you know what you’re hosting, what do you want the energy of the event to be?  High energy and cheerful, quiet and cozy, or family style fun?  Maybe you’ve got a theme in mind. 

Start your planning with the way you want your guests to feel – this will help you make most of your hosting decisions later on.  

Some questions to get you started:

• Is there a theme?
• If so, is it a color theme, a dress code theme, a food theme, an activity theme, etc?
• What is your main activity?  A meal, a movie, a game, a craft, etc?  Standing around and talking is fine, but it doesn’t create community within your event.  A little bit of activity structure goes a long way!
• Is this an adults-only event, or is it family friendly?

Understand Your Bandwidth

• How much time do you have to prepare for your event? 
• Better yet, how much energy do you have to plan? 
• Will you have reliable help, or are you flying solo? 
• How many people will you host, and are there any special accommodations (such as overnight stays) that you’ll need to account for?

Being a good host doesn’t mean you have to have the most extravagant gathering, nor do you have to go all-out.  A host who burns themselves out is only trying to pour from an empty cup.  Your time and energy are precious… and limited.  Give yourself permission to “do less” in the pursuit of “making the most.”  

Your guests will be happiest when they also see and feel that you are having a good time!

Budget

Go ahead and get rid of the notion that the best hosts spend the most money. 

You can host the world’s best Friends-Giving as a potluck on paper plates with disposable utensils and make it the best day of the year. 

You can also spend hundreds of dollars on food and decor and end up hosting something perfectly forgettable. 

Decide how much you’re willing to spend in total on your event, and make a list of the components you feel are most important to you and the experience you’re creating.  Maybe that’s the menu, decor, or an activity.  That way, when something comes along and gives you “shiny object syndrome,” you reference your priorities list and avoid overspending on something that was never that important to you to begin with. 

A Note On Kids

Hosting a mixed-age event of any kind, even a family function, can be very tricky – especially for new hosts.  As adults, it’s easy to just tell the kids to go play in the yard and have them sit at their own kid-sized table while you focus on the adults.  But, if you’re choosing to host kids, they deserve to feel welcome, too!

If you decide your event is family-friendly, some small creature-comforts will go a long way to making sure everyone (parents included) has a good time!  Paper plates, plastic cups, and a disposable table cloth will help make cleanup easy and prevent significant messes.  Make sure there are foods the kids can enjoy (collard greens may not be on their menu, even if it’s your favorite dish). 

Planning a small activity, like a craft or game, that kids of different ages can enjoy and participate in goes a long way to keeping them both happy and allowing their parents to enjoy a little grown-up to grown-up conversation.  Giving kids a designated space to run around and play is also helpful when the inevitable excitement of a sugar-hype hits. 

Simply put, if you intend to host kids, consider their needs like you would the needs of the adults in attendance! 

The Preparation Begins

Now that you’ve got a clear idea of what you want your event to feel like, look like, and your budget for both your energy and your money, the fun really starts! 

Guest List

A proper Southern host ensures the guest list has a “buddy system” quality to it. 

The typical guidelines for guest lists are mathematical.  Even numbers of guests are best, so that everyone has someone they could potentially talk to.  But you’re the host with the most, so you’re going to take it one step further. 

A good guest list isn’t just numbers.  It’s social chemistry, and this can really take an event from “oh yeah, I forgot she had us over last year” to “oh my gosh, do you remember Sarah’s holiday party from last year?  That was amazing, I really hope she has another one this year!”

Some questions to consider for the world’s best guest list:

• Does everyone on your guest list have at least one other person they know or would get along well with? 
• Will you personally be available to make an introduction between two people who you think would get along well, but don’t already know each other?
• If you’re inviting parents with their children, are there parents of other children around the same age on the guest list?  
• For that one outlier on your guest list who doesn’t really swim in your main social circle (but is still a beloved friend or relative), are you willing to give them a plus one? 

Food

Ah, the best social lubricant of them all! 

You aren’t obligated to cook everything – potlucks are a host’s best friend.  But, it pays to plan ahead.  Potlucks go best when you assign “side dish,” “dessert,” “finger food,” or “appetizer” to each guest, while you cook the main entree. 

A good host knows that the day-of is NEVER the time to try out a new recipe.  If you’re considering cooking something you’ve not done before, take the time to try it out before the date of your event. 

Dishes that can be cooked or prepared in advance of your event are your best friend! 

The Table Setting

Whether you’re breaking out the fine china and crystal or going full paper plate mode, take the time to set your table!  A tablecloth, center piece, and folded napkin really take everything up a notch.  Get creative and have fun!

Some things to consider:

• Place cards – these will help avoid any seating confusion and make each guest feel like they belong
• Family style serving at the table, or dip your own plate and bring it to the table?  Either way, make sure you have enough serving utensils
• Is there enough space for everyone to eat comfortably?
• As the host, are you in a place where you can be mobile?

And Now, The Grand Finale

Your event is here!  Guests are on their way… now what?

Before They Arrive…

Light the fireplace, or some candles to help set the ambience.  A little background music (keep it lower volume so as not to drown out conversation) goes a long way toward cultivating the atmosphere you want. 

Have some drinks pre-poured and ready to be handed to your guests after they’ve gotten settled.  A communal snack platter also goes a long way – people love to gather wherever the food is!

They’re Here!

Smiles!  Hugs!  A warm welcome is in order.  Offer to take their coat, or suggest a place for them to remove their shoes. 

When they’re ready, offer them the drinks you prepared.

You can relax.  Your guests can entertain each other with conversation while you handle the finishing touches. 

As your event transpires, take the time to talk to each of your guests.  Thank them for coming, and let them know you’re happy they’re here!  Do your best to float from person to person throughout the gathering. 

There You Have It: Hosting 101!

Hosting never needs to be a stressful thing.  The best hosts are the ones who know how to make each individual guest feel welcome.  The most touching thing you could possibly do is connect with each of your guests. 

In a world that is so digital and often so superficial, taking the time to be present is what separates the obligatory parties from the ones that truly make the memory book. 

You have what it takes to be the host with the most, so get out there and plan your party!